i’ve exhausted all of my energy on the topic of you and some days pining over what i thought we had because we were close for so long but i don’t know you anymore. you’re not you anymore and i’m okay with all of this. i was a little torn at first. a little sad at the thought of never seeing you again but you were hardly around anyway and it’s getting harder to be upset over losing you again when you’ve disappeared so many times before.
i’m fine, i promise. just stay away for good this time.
i’ve always known you were better than me. i could see it there in your eyes. the calm look you gave when i told you i was fucked up and the way your arm would fall low on my back as you leaned in to kiss me lightly on the forehead. i should have kept going just to let you have your peace but instead i turned around and ended right at your front door.
holding on when i should have erased you months ago. it is passed. a distant shadow and a distraction and a foreign painful feeling in the pit of my stomach that knows no end. i have to now because it happened long ago and we knew it would come to this despite our hopes. we knew no better.
besides, you’re unmistakably lighter now and my hopes for you come with no strings.
[video]
like it happened just yesterday.
i hope you stay the same but i pray that everything else will change. just stay the same for me.